Friday, December 7, 2012
/*/ ; la douleur
Seeing the presence of him leaving, was it really the right thing to do? Seeing him sitting by the nearest table to entrance, without a second thought in my head, heart beating, face blushing, all the symptom of love, what is there to hide? Why am I hiding? Am I too scared to Dave the reality? Such a bad ex girlfriend I am. When with him, I wouldn't admit anything, especially the fact that I love him. Why did I hold back? Been together for so many months, yet a simple "I love you" is so hard to achieve. No matter how far away, my eyes just want to meet his, my heart just wish he would linger his eyes and wonder it this way. And notice me, and tell me that deep down he still loves me. But can I really have a say in this? When I was the one who dropped him, let him go so easily? When I was the cruel one who ignored him and let him go when he dropped literally everything for me? Am I stupid? Yeah I am. Definitely.
Why am I blushing for him? Why is my heart still racing for him? Is this really true love? Am I really rebelling against true love? Was this the right choice? I really want to question myself, I really want a answer out of this. I really just want a way out. I don't know anymore. Was choosing the path I'm choosing the right choice? Was being with the one I am with now a good choice? Was leaving my ex what I wanted? I always thought true love lasted, always thought that in drama all those things were just some stupid fairy tale? Well that's funny, because it seemed like everything in a drama came true in my life.
God, what do I do next?
Can someone please tell me and help me and guide me a way out of this pain?
I think I am just in denial...but why?[link]